The start of April felt like resurfacing from underwater. The twins were turning a corner in sleep, patter, and general enjoyablilyt. Life was getting easier. Suddenly we could do some things again. We could cook dinners! The babies were sleeping better! I left the house with the big kids!
And then, it felt more like surfacing from underwater and realising you were still drifting out in the ocean. We still have four small kids. Everyone still needs a lot. Naps are on a pattern but not a schedule. Getting one baby to nap is hard, getting two babies to nap is... more than twice as hard.
Laundry was relentless. Food prep had to be done during first nap or it didn't get done. The house felt like pushing back a rising tide of clutter. Finished projects brought me joy, but unfinished projects came on faster. I went for a 8 runs this month and made it to two pilates classes and a few more sessions at home.
Mostly it rained and was surprisingly cold.
I made it outside for a walk on most days (thanks Elisabeth!). There's even photographic proof of a very wet double baby buggy walk on her blog here.
However, things aren't all bad. I have consistently been tracking my time, and I discovered that while my bedtime was creeping later (sometimes 10pm!) I was not really *doing* anything with that time. Of course it's important to have downtime, and nothing time... but I should be able to remember something about what kept me awake between 9 and 10pm, if I'm staying up that late. And then I should feel good about writing that thing down. But looking at the log, there was always a blank half hour between 9 and 10.
May goal: either go to bed at 9 or do something I can write down until 10. "messing around on the internet" is not something I want to use my time doing, and it's not worth staying awake for.
I have been very tired. Although the babies sleep till 4ish (and then onwards till 7) I am still not getting a consistent amount of good sleep. Last night I was up at 11 when Lilah was sick in her bed (though she was very jolly about it... weird?) and then Audrey was practicing singing at 3:30am (Andy patted her back to sleep) and then babies fed at 5am and I started my day just after.
Babies are physically tiring, and two of them is twice as tiring. Two times carrying semi-floppy 16lbs kids up and down stairs multiple times a day. Bending over two cots to get them out. Cleaning up two highchairs and two floor messes after food. Lifting them both into their pram. It's a lot.
Yesterday I decided to go to the post office with the twins and Lilah. I went for a new method of carrying everyone - Nora in a carrier, Audrey in a single pram, Lilah walking. I took a photo.
Sometimes people make things look easy. That is not me. When I saw this photo I realised that while things are hard right now, at least I also make them LOOK hard.